This morning I woke up and decided to tell the truth.
I am not okay, and I don’t think that any of us are,
and I don’t think that we need to apologize for it.
Friends call to make plans and I say yes,
instantly regretting it. If it’s not alcohol,
it’s getting high, it’s music so loud my bones hum.
It’s driving around and making promises with our pinkies
or throwing up on the side of the street or kissing
each other so violently that we’re swallowing hair,
wisdom teeth. It’s loneliness so deep in my stomach
it’s in my womb and kneecaps. I’m writing this because
I fucking want you to feel something. I want you to
sweat me out like a fever. Okay, okay, listen:
I want to be a new girl but it’s these old habits.
We’re all so warm and feeling and I can’t quite
get this taste out of my mouth. We fling love around
like we don’t expect to get it back. It feels like
only yesterday my mother was kissing my scrapes
and bruises. Only yesterday I was learning to tie my shoes,
snap my fingers, be trusted with the delicate task
of dressing myself. I don’t think it’s safe here anymore.
Empty out your chest and get ready to run.

- Kristina Haynes, “May 2014” (via fleurishes)

i walk in i see you i watch you i scan you i wait for you i tickle you i tease you i search you i breathe you i talk i smile i touch your hair you are the one you are the one i feel you i ask you i don’t ask i don’t wait i won’t ask you i lie i am crying hard there was blood no one told me no one knew my mother knows i forgot your name i don’t think i bury my head i bury you my fever my skin i cannot breathe i cannot eat i cannot walk i am losing time i am losing ground i cannot stand it i cry i cry out i bite i bite your lip i breathe your breath i pulse i pray i pray aloud i smell you on my skin i say the word i say your name i cover you i shelter you i run from you i sleep beside you i smell you on my clothes i keep your clothes

Projections by Jenny Holzer; Florence, 1996

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